Ang pagmamahal ❤️

Ang pagmamahal ay parang Araw na sisikat sa umaga. Ang magpapaliwanag sa madilim mong gunita. Ang magiging init sa malamig na tinig na bubulong sa’yo kapag ang takot ay may nginig. 

Ang pagmamahal ay parang Buwan na kikinang sa gabi. Habang ang lahat ay tulog at ikaw ay walang katabi. Ang syang nagiisang pakiramdam na kailangan mo kapag may hikbi; kapag may luha na hindi mo maikubli. 

Ang pagmamahal ay maiihalintulad mo sa dalawang ‘yan.  Parehas may kinang kahit parang nag-uunahan.  Ano nga ba ang nauuna sa araw at sa buwan? Pero ang mas mahalaga ay palagi mo silang nararamdaman. 
Ang pagmamahal. 

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Dear Future Self,

Hiii. Ikaw na ga yan? Ang galing mo naman! Sabi ko na kaya mo yan eh. ❤️😘

 Natutuwa naman ako na narating mo kung anuman ang meron ka ngayon. Natutuwa naman akong malaman na sa lahat ng mga tiis mo at luha at pagod sa trabaho at sa lahat ng pinagdaanan mo sa buhay eh successful ka na in all aspects. Galing mo sa part na yan. ☺️ Hindi talaga ako nagkamali, at kahit kelan di ako nagduda sa kakayahan mo. 😁 

Akalain mong nalampasan mo ang lahat ng yuuun? Aba Ateng, bibihira ang nakakarating sa ganang point ha. Para lang yang pag akyat ng bundok, nakakapago habang nasa kalagitnaan ka. Pero ang sarap ng feeling kapag nasa tuktok ka na. Kaya nga lang sa buhay, di natin pwedeng ihilera sa bundok. Kasi after mo dun di ka naman pwedeng mag stay sa taas forever, kaylangan mo rin bumaba at umuwi ng bahay. 😂 Pero even though it is not literally like that, kapag nasa peak ka na ng happiness mo kagaya ngayon, wag ka na bababa ha. Kung wala ng iaangat pa ang kasiyahan mong yan, maging masaya ka na muna sa meron ka ngayon. Pangalagaan mo yang happiness mo, at tandaan mong wag kang bababa. Wag mong isusuko ang lahat ng meron ka. Maging sa tuktok kasi ng bundok hindi mawawala ang bagyo, mas malapit sa taas mas malakas ang damage na idudulot sayo, pero consider that as a blessing. Bagyo, ulan, magpasalamat kang nababasa ka kaysa habang panahon kang tuyot at walang pagkuhanan ng mga bagay na pang bless mo sa iba. When it rains, it pours, sahod lang Bes dalawang kamay. Punuin mo ang balde mo ng ulan at bagyo, at ibuhos mo yan sa mga halamang natutuyo na ang ugat sa lupa. 

Ang swerte mo naman. Sobra. Sa nakikita ko ngayon ang saya saya mo talaga. Higit pa sa kasiyahan na naranasan mo dati. Share mo naman ang secret mo sa iba. Or better to say, share mo naman yung happiness mo sa iba.  Nung nakaraan ang lungkot mo eh, ilang beses ka na ba nakaranas ng ganun pero nakatayo ka pa rin! Ibang klase. ❤️🌸

Para ka palang spring time sa Madrid. Di ba ang ganda? 🌸❤️ May picture ka pa ng cherry blossom di ba? My God ang ganda ng cellphone mo nun yayamanin. Haha! Ano na ba yang gamit mo ngayon? 😁 Ikaw talaga lagi mong deserve ang mga best things ng buhay. How lucky you are really! Parang kelan lang di mo mahawakan ang mga gusto mo pero ngayon abot kamay mo ng lahat. 

Andaming blessings sayo ni God.  I-look back mo nga, di ka nauubusan ng mga taong nakakaunawa sayo kahit na minsan feeling mo mag-isa ka. Sila talaga yung totoo mong yaman eh. ☺️ Lalo na yung boyfriend mo at Mama mo na nararamdaman ka kahit di ka magsalita. Sila ang yaman mo. Sila ang makakapitan mo someday. ❤️ 

Unti unti mong na-reach lahat. Slowly, tinanggap mo ang mga bagay na hindi katanggap-tanggap at akala mong hindi mangyayari sa reality, pero you are so strong to always face the reality! Yung iba tumanda na at lahat eh niloloko pa rin ang sarili, pinaniniwala sa mga bagay bagay na hindi naman talaga totoo. Di ba nga lage mong katwiran, being true to yourself is being true to others.  👌🏻 Galing mo dun.  

Yung mga pangarap mo, Wow naman. Abot kamay. Dati hanggang planner lang pero ngayon andami ng improvments. How to be you po? 😁😍☺️

Sige na, ang haba na masyado ng letter ko. Alagaan mong mabuti ang sarili mo para sa asawa mo at sa pamilya mo. Kung minsan wala kang makakapitan pero tandaan mo, kung wala ka, hindi sila masaya, hindi sila matapang at wala silang lakas ng loob. 

God bless you SOBRA. More blessings and the best is always yet to come. Para sa’yo ang trophy ng kaligayahan dahil sa kabutihan mong walang hanggan. ❤️
Love,

Yourself.

Adjusted

I am a Filipina and I moved to Spain last September 21, 2014. I was then a 21 year old girl who knows nothing but taking risks and only focused on my goals- To have a Photography Studio. Earning in Philippines (for me) is not that easy, I tried working as a Car Sales Agent and I can say selling cars were never that easy as I am not working inside the showroom. There is a huge difference, I need to go to different places and giving brochures and leaflets and introduce the the product but anyway, that was quite challenging though; I can meet different extraordinary people who can afford buying cars. 

Moving on, my first months in Spain was tragic. I cannot believe myself in pure loneliness and homesick. I am just fighting that emotion and still pushing on achieving my goals and the main reason why I am here. While doing that, I forgot about myself. I forgot looking at the mirror and see a beautiful reflection. I was sooo blooming wayback in Philippines and I always look good but when I got here, I can’t believe how haggard I was. 😂 My mindset is: “I am not here to enjoy, I am here to work.” But having that mindset never gave me a chance to save a lot of money. 😂 Ironic. Hate the fact that the cost of living is expensive. And whenever I have money, I dunno why I end up helping people or relatives in Philippines who have less. I am now helping a neice in her studies paying her tuition fees and school needs and etc. 

After 2 years I started buying clothes shoes and personal stuffs. I feel good about myself whenever I am helping someone but then I forgot my own self. I cannot balance everything. One person helped me realize that it is not bad if I think about myself too with the fact that I am the one who is working. That I need to give myself a reward, and treat myself better. I get over my homesickness because of him. He served as my inspiration and you know what? I am going to marry him soon this year 2017. 

I owe him a lot. Before, All I know is taking risk and whenever I mess up in the middle I lose myself out of nowhere and later on don’t exactly know what to do. He is my Idol and I am going to be his No.1 Fan for life. 

I am still composing myself and everyday I love who I am because of Him. How can you leave a person who helped you in your most difficult situation. He maybe don’t do anything like staying beside me literally, we are in a Long Distance Relationship but he never leaves my side emotionally. That’s when I realized that Love does not only mean hugging and kissing, it also means feeding each other emotional needs and helping each other become the best version of own self. 

I am happy, I am now more than blessed than before that I am living in Madrid. I appreciate what I have though it is still hard to earn money, BUT I never had zero resources. God always provides. Amen. I just hope I always have a lot of love to give, an endless one. I thank God for everything. I adjusted. I have an inspiration. Glory to Him! 

When you’re tired, rest. 

Here at 100 Montaditos, Narvaez. It is my favorite place the food is cheaper than any other bars & restaurant you could ever encounter in Spain. There are burgers that costs €1,20 only. And beers in large beer mugs costs €1,50 and then you’re okay. 😁

I have been reading different blogs too about self improvement, how to be rich, how to save money, how to reach your goals. And it helps me a lot whenever I am in the state of overthinking. I know it sucks to overthink. But  when you are usually alone or when you feel down you can’t help it. Help your self or ask for someone’s help if you cannot fight it alone.  There’s a lot of solutions. 

I am tired about everything in my life.  I just cannot enumerate this or maybe I don’t have enough courage to share it for it is too personal but I am still lucky to have this life and God is giving me many reasons why I need to fight the challenge. 

When you feel like you’re tired, you can rest. Don’t quit, just rest. You only need to pause and gain back the energy so tomorrow you can fighy again once more. Be thankful that there’s a lot of people who can understand you despite on how you react on simple things. Your boss who always understands you even when you feel down and can’t go to work on time, you’re lucky. I’m lucky. Your boyfriend who catches every tears that’s falling from your eyes. I cannot imagine how one people like my boyfriend is happy whenever he sees me smiling or laughing and yet so bothered whenever he hear my voice soft and lonely. I can never thank him enough for being there for me. I’ve been so sad for a long time and I deserve to be happy too. That is what I always feel. But who else in this world is not lonely? Everybody does have a reason to be but some chooses not to. 

I saw myself super down and not loving myself enough. I do not want to be that girl anymore. I promise. When I feel tired, I rest, I exhale and get my self a mug of beer and go home like  I am not tired of everything. 

Good Sign of a Good Morning

I woke up lazy going to work. It is so cold and winter is not yet over. I was standing near the train station when I looked up and saw the sky. It was an amazing view and this does not happen every day in the city. I took my phone and captured a photo. 

No Filter, taken at Calle General Martinez Campos, Madrid Spain, 28010. Photo by: Jhevey Razon

No filter shot using my iPhone 7 Plus back camera.  I am really happy with the result. I love taking photos and wayback when I was in Philippines, I am a freelance photographer. I hope I can pursue my career in Madrid but it is hard to find a job for an immigrant like me. Someday, I hope I can work in a Photo Studio. ❤️

Happiness: Hard to earn

We laugh and smile and we’re not happy. I guess that laughing and smiling are just really a response to a certain action. I say so because it is easy to smile even you’re lonely but it will never be the same if it really means to me. 

Have you ever been so sad and you cannot put in details why? Have you been thinking about a lot of things and yet it led you to a neutral emotion (some kind of numbness) and then you find yourself in the corner of your room thinking and thinking again about a lot of stuffs, asking what’s wrong, lacking and what’s really going on? Or even asking for solutions about a problem you don’t even know where from? What do you call that state of mentality? 

I do not usually go out with friends, 3/4 of my life is basically working and “me” time. Every day there are few poeple in my inbox, a little chit chat. There are people available to talk but it is me who doesn’t feel like talking to them. What’s going on with my self.

I must admit I am missing someone. Being in a long distance relationship is hard, my boyfriend is a seaman and I hope you can imagine how hard it is to wait for the time, to adjust to time, to manage the time, skip sleeping because time is precious and you are not going to talk to him or see him everyday. 

Happiness is sacrifice. I can go out with friends but my friends are also busy working, and during my weekend days off, I want to relax in my room from Monday-Friday grind and sleeping 6 hours or less every night. I do not have so much time for myself and sometimes when homesickness strikes, it strikes hard. PLUS this effin hormones and PMS. Oh how I wish I could be with the person I love. You know, with just one hug all tiredness can be erased. And if you ask about my family, I am living with my mom and my father and 2 more sisters are in my own country. My Mom, I think feels the same way I do. But we must fight for this emotions and keep going on. Smile even if it is not that happy, fight on and live on because it is all part of sacrifice. 

Happiness is hard to earn. I sometimes do not know what happiness means. Contentment maybe? I am content with my life but I want to laugh the real laugh, smile the real smile, and go crazy over things and have fun. 

In short, I need a vacation. Miles awat from my work, recollect my broken pieces and get back my mindset. I need a time for me, for my boyfriend and I know with that, I’m going to be really HAPPY. 

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

To the person we love the most, to the person who made our life complete, to the person who made our shattered pieces in to brand new, we owe them big. We owe them so much. 

He is the reason of my everyday smile and my happiness in general. He is the reason why I choose to dream again and choose to love the love I never given to anyone else. He is the moon in my dark lonely night at the same time, the star that shines all day so bright. 

He is the one that made me live. The reason why I want to wake up even in my laziest morning. He is the time that I always look on to, the reason for everything I wish to do. 

But sometimes I can hurt him whenever I am sad. He is not OK seeing my eyes hurts so bad. When my tears started to fall he ran out of calmness; and panic starts to cover his face that’s before was only gladness. 

I wish I can be happy all the time. But being a girl is not as easy as cutting a lime. I hate that sometimes I need to burst but I need to say somehow my unspoken words. 

Sisige o Susuko?

Kumusta ka naman? Hehe. Aba ako eh eto. Trying to feel neutral sa lahat lahat ng happenings sa buhay ko. Bueno. Isa lang ang ipinagpapasalamat ko-wala akong problema. 

Bakit nga kaya tayong mga tao kahit kung susumahin, wala naman talagang problema eh bakit malalim tayong mag-isip? Ako kasi ayaw kong magkamali. Kaya lagi kong pinagkakaisipang mabuti ang mga bagay bago ko gawain. Kahit pa alam ko sa sarili ko na pwedeng makapagpasaya yun saakin.

Masaya ako. Andaming magandang nangyayari ang hindi ko lang alam ay kung bakit di ko maramdaman yung saya. Bakit more on kaba ang nararamdaman ko o di kaya naman ay mga takot. Natatakot ako sa sarili ko. Natatakot ako na makasakit or whatever. I dunno why I am feeling this. Siguro dahil mixed emotions lang talaga. As in andami kong feelings eh. 

1st, Uuwi ako sa Pinas and I am going to have 2months mahigit na vacation, I am excited at the same time I am afraid na maubusan ng pera doon. Haha! 

2nd, ikakasal na ako! Sa January 29 eh mamanhikan na sila saamin. I am sooo happy and at the same time di ako makapaniwala na kami rin pala ang magkakatuluyan. Na totoo ang lahat ng nangyayareng ito. Na finally, there is someone na may ginagawa to prove his love to me. Nakakakaba in a way na ikakasal na kami and maybe I am preparing myself to future difficulties. Muka na akong tanga sa part na yan. Lagi ko naaalala yung sinasabi ni Ma’am Tet (Prof ko nung college na maganda at matalino. Idol ko in fact) na “Ang unfair naman yata kung pagiisipan mo sya ng bagay na hindi pa nya ginagawa.” So mula nung sinabi nya yon, parang na-shake ang aking jutakels at napaisip ng “Oo nga. Very wrong ako sa part na yon. Pinahihirapan ko lang rin ang sarili ko.” 

Moving on. 

3rd, budget. Andaming dapat ayusin. Ayoko gumastos ng malaki..i want to save something more sa mga darating na araw. Nakaka stress pag tinitiis ang sarili ha. Nakakainit ng ulo at nakakaikli ng temper. Haha. Redundant na. Pero totoo yun. Ang hirap ng nagtitiis. Pero malalampasan din ito. Part ito ng pagtitiis at worth it ito. 

Yan ang title nyan kasii kahit medyo weird ang feelings ko ngayon eh sisige pa rin ako. Lagi ko kasi yang sinasabi sa twing nahihirapan ako. Sisige o susuko. Tapos aalamin ko ang mga dahilan ng pag-sige at ng pag-suko. In the end I wi follow my heart..😂 May mga bagay kasi na kahit gusto mo hindi mo makukuha at kahit nandyan na mas pipiliin mo pa ring talikuran. 

I don’t have problems. I must be happy. Ang sunod kong blog ay papamatagan kong

“Sisihin ang hormones.” 😂😂

Gumawa ka ng mabuti at babalik

Gumawa ng mabuti, bumalik ng 4x! Nakakaiyak na Lord. Bakit ga ho ang bait nyo saakin. 😭😭😭
Nung nasa Airport ako ng Tenerife South pabalik ng Madrid, may nanlimos saakin. Sabi nya nawalan daw sya ng pera, 15€ daw kailangan nya 5 lang nasakanya. binigyan ko ng 10€. Pero hinahabol ko sya ng tingin, alam ko naman na modus lang yon. Pero sa loob loob ko, dibale na. Kailangan nya kaya yun ginagawa. Nakalimutan ko na rin yon. 
Kanina, may customer na matanda. Haha. Di naman ako naimik at busy ako sa pagba-budget ng kasal namin. Kung gusto ko daw na maging girlfriend nya ako. Sabi ko “Hala. Ayaw ko. May asawa na ako. Ikakasal na kami.” Pinakita ko singsing ko tapos yung notebook ko ng budget.  Sabi nya “lagi na lang akong late. Sabihin mo saakin kapag divorced ka na.” HAHAHA. As if naman.  Tapos inabutan ako ng 50€!!! Ayaw ko tanggapin. Sabi ko di naman kailangan gawin yon. Nakapag tip na sya ng 4. Sapat sa yon sakin. Mag enjoy daw ako kasama ng boyfriend ko. 

Akala nya nandito ang bf ko. Hehe. 
Tapos nalaman ko ang story nya, lagi pala yun sa bar kaibigan ng boss ko. Mayaman daw talaga may ari ng gasoline station na madaming branches. Galante daw. Mdami dn daw un babae. Namatay daw pala ang una nyang asawa. Naisip ko agad, depressed. Ikaw ba naman mamatayan ng asawa na mahal na mahal mo. Kaya sya galante, dahil sabi nya daw aanhin daw nya ang pera hindi naman daw madadala sa hukay. 
Hanggang ngayon speechless pa rin ako. Di ko alam ang mafefeel. Iniisip ko na lang na regalo nya saamin ng boyfriend ko ang binigay nya dahil nga sinabi nya mag enjoy kami sa celebration ng New Year. At the same time,di ako sanay makahawak ng perang di ko pinaghirapan. Instant money eh. Di naman galing sa parents ko. Iba ang feeling. 
Now I am praying for that old man, na sana mahanap nya na ang makakapagpasaya sakanya. Lord ikaw na ang bahala sa taong yun.

There’s more to life.

​”You go to places and you see the world, you make memories that you can bring until you grow old.” – #ldrandlifeblog
I have to repost this photo. I always long to see mornings like this. This makes me feel like I want to live more. This feels life. 

Kung hindi dahil sa boyfriend ko, hindi na ako mangangarap uli.

I realized that andami pang magaganda sa buhay than what we have right now. Ako nga eh, never in my life na naisip ko na makakakita ako ng ganito kagandang view. Never in my life na inakala kong posible palang mangyare lahat ng magagandang ito sa buhay ko.

Kagaya sa love life, friends. 

Nasayo lang yun if you want to see it also. If you are willing to grow or just stay there not moving on. 

Instead of doing bad things to feed your ego, why not do good things to improve yourself? I’ve seen people that are injured, badly hurt, emotionally broken. I’ve been there too. Somewhere in my life  I belong to that group of people. 

I saw them and saw what they are doing, i saw my self and I start comparing and I told my self,

“No, I do not want to be like that. I am hurt but I do not like to be bad nor kawawa.” 

Pag nasasaktan ako, I want to improve, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Kaya instead na manakit din ako ng iba? Hindi na lang. Hindi naman sila masasaktan eh. Bakit ko naman ilalagay ang sarili ko sa tabi ng bangin, tas pag nagtatalon ako don eh ako din naman ang may 100% chance na mahulog at mashigok. Hehe. 
I am not judging them people. They have their own life style, they have their own defense mechanism kung paano sila makakawala sa “sakit.” And I have my own way too. 

Hindi ko sinasabi na wag nilang indahin ang sakit na nararamdaman nila. It hurts a lot seeing the one you love walking away from you. Been there. I will go crazy if that happens to me. But one thing is for sure of that happens, I will cry today but I will be successful tomorrow. 
P.S.

When I write, I am talking to myself.