Good Sign of a Good Morning

I woke up lazy going to work. It is so cold and winter is not yet over. I was standing near the train station when I looked up and saw the sky. It was an amazing view and this does not happen every day in the city. I took my phone and captured a photo. 

No Filter, taken at Calle General Martinez Campos, Madrid Spain, 28010. Photo by: Jhevey Razon

No filter shot using my iPhone 7 Plus back camera.  I am really happy with the result. I love taking photos and wayback when I was in Philippines, I am a freelance photographer. I hope I can pursue my career in Madrid but it is hard to find a job for an immigrant like me. Someday, I hope I can work in a Photo Studio. ❤️

Happiness: Hard to earn

We laugh and smile and we’re not happy. I guess that laughing and smiling are just really a response to a certain action. I say so because it is easy to smile even you’re lonely but it will never be the same if it really means to me. 

Have you ever been so sad and you cannot put in details why? Have you been thinking about a lot of things and yet it led you to a neutral emotion (some kind of numbness) and then you find yourself in the corner of your room thinking and thinking again about a lot of stuffs, asking what’s wrong, lacking and what’s really going on? Or even asking for solutions about a problem you don’t even know where from? What do you call that state of mentality? 

I do not usually go out with friends, 3/4 of my life is basically working and “me” time. Every day there are few poeple in my inbox, a little chit chat. There are people available to talk but it is me who doesn’t feel like talking to them. What’s going on with my self.

I must admit I am missing someone. Being in a long distance relationship is hard, my boyfriend is a seaman and I hope you can imagine how hard it is to wait for the time, to adjust to time, to manage the time, skip sleeping because time is precious and you are not going to talk to him or see him everyday. 

Happiness is sacrifice. I can go out with friends but my friends are also busy working, and during my weekend days off, I want to relax in my room from Monday-Friday grind and sleeping 6 hours or less every night. I do not have so much time for myself and sometimes when homesickness strikes, it strikes hard. PLUS this effin hormones and PMS. Oh how I wish I could be with the person I love. You know, with just one hug all tiredness can be erased. And if you ask about my family, I am living with my mom and my father and 2 more sisters are in my own country. My Mom, I think feels the same way I do. But we must fight for this emotions and keep going on. Smile even if it is not that happy, fight on and live on because it is all part of sacrifice. 

Happiness is hard to earn. I sometimes do not know what happiness means. Contentment maybe? I am content with my life but I want to laugh the real laugh, smile the real smile, and go crazy over things and have fun. 

In short, I need a vacation. Miles awat from my work, recollect my broken pieces and get back my mindset. I need a time for me, for my boyfriend and I know with that, I’m going to be really HAPPY. 

Why do we hurt the ones we love?

To the person we love the most, to the person who made our life complete, to the person who made our shattered pieces in to brand new, we owe them big. We owe them so much. 

He is the reason of my everyday smile and my happiness in general. He is the reason why I choose to dream again and choose to love the love I never given to anyone else. He is the moon in my dark lonely night at the same time, the star that shines all day so bright. 

He is the one that made me live. The reason why I want to wake up even in my laziest morning. He is the time that I always look on to, the reason for everything I wish to do. 

But sometimes I can hurt him whenever I am sad. He is not OK seeing my eyes hurts so bad. When my tears started to fall he ran out of calmness; and panic starts to cover his face that’s before was only gladness. 

I wish I can be happy all the time. But being a girl is not as easy as cutting a lime. I hate that sometimes I need to burst but I need to say somehow my unspoken words. 

Sisige o Susuko?

Kumusta ka naman? Hehe. Aba ako eh eto. Trying to feel neutral sa lahat lahat ng happenings sa buhay ko. Bueno. Isa lang ang ipinagpapasalamat ko-wala akong problema. 

Bakit nga kaya tayong mga tao kahit kung susumahin, wala naman talagang problema eh bakit malalim tayong mag-isip? Ako kasi ayaw kong magkamali. Kaya lagi kong pinagkakaisipang mabuti ang mga bagay bago ko gawain. Kahit pa alam ko sa sarili ko na pwedeng makapagpasaya yun saakin.

Masaya ako. Andaming magandang nangyayari ang hindi ko lang alam ay kung bakit di ko maramdaman yung saya. Bakit more on kaba ang nararamdaman ko o di kaya naman ay mga takot. Natatakot ako sa sarili ko. Natatakot ako na makasakit or whatever. I dunno why I am feeling this. Siguro dahil mixed emotions lang talaga. As in andami kong feelings eh. 

1st, Uuwi ako sa Pinas and I am going to have 2months mahigit na vacation, I am excited at the same time I am afraid na maubusan ng pera doon. Haha! 

2nd, ikakasal na ako! Sa January 29 eh mamanhikan na sila saamin. I am sooo happy and at the same time di ako makapaniwala na kami rin pala ang magkakatuluyan. Na totoo ang lahat ng nangyayareng ito. Na finally, there is someone na may ginagawa to prove his love to me. Nakakakaba in a way na ikakasal na kami and maybe I am preparing myself to future difficulties. Muka na akong tanga sa part na yan. Lagi ko naaalala yung sinasabi ni Ma’am Tet (Prof ko nung college na maganda at matalino. Idol ko in fact) na “Ang unfair naman yata kung pagiisipan mo sya ng bagay na hindi pa nya ginagawa.” So mula nung sinabi nya yon, parang na-shake ang aking jutakels at napaisip ng “Oo nga. Very wrong ako sa part na yon. Pinahihirapan ko lang rin ang sarili ko.” 

Moving on. 

3rd, budget. Andaming dapat ayusin. Ayoko gumastos ng malaki..i want to save something more sa mga darating na araw. Nakaka stress pag tinitiis ang sarili ha. Nakakainit ng ulo at nakakaikli ng temper. Haha. Redundant na. Pero totoo yun. Ang hirap ng nagtitiis. Pero malalampasan din ito. Part ito ng pagtitiis at worth it ito. 

Yan ang title nyan kasii kahit medyo weird ang feelings ko ngayon eh sisige pa rin ako. Lagi ko kasi yang sinasabi sa twing nahihirapan ako. Sisige o susuko. Tapos aalamin ko ang mga dahilan ng pag-sige at ng pag-suko. In the end I wi follow my heart..😂 May mga bagay kasi na kahit gusto mo hindi mo makukuha at kahit nandyan na mas pipiliin mo pa ring talikuran. 

I don’t have problems. I must be happy. Ang sunod kong blog ay papamatagan kong

“Sisihin ang hormones.” 😂😂

Gumawa ka ng mabuti at babalik

Gumawa ng mabuti, bumalik ng 4x! Nakakaiyak na Lord. Bakit ga ho ang bait nyo saakin. 😭😭😭
Nung nasa Airport ako ng Tenerife South pabalik ng Madrid, may nanlimos saakin. Sabi nya nawalan daw sya ng pera, 15€ daw kailangan nya 5 lang nasakanya. binigyan ko ng 10€. Pero hinahabol ko sya ng tingin, alam ko naman na modus lang yon. Pero sa loob loob ko, dibale na. Kailangan nya kaya yun ginagawa. Nakalimutan ko na rin yon. 
Kanina, may customer na matanda. Haha. Di naman ako naimik at busy ako sa pagba-budget ng kasal namin. Kung gusto ko daw na maging girlfriend nya ako. Sabi ko “Hala. Ayaw ko. May asawa na ako. Ikakasal na kami.” Pinakita ko singsing ko tapos yung notebook ko ng budget.  Sabi nya “lagi na lang akong late. Sabihin mo saakin kapag divorced ka na.” HAHAHA. As if naman.  Tapos inabutan ako ng 50€!!! Ayaw ko tanggapin. Sabi ko di naman kailangan gawin yon. Nakapag tip na sya ng 4. Sapat sa yon sakin. Mag enjoy daw ako kasama ng boyfriend ko. 

Akala nya nandito ang bf ko. Hehe. 
Tapos nalaman ko ang story nya, lagi pala yun sa bar kaibigan ng boss ko. Mayaman daw talaga may ari ng gasoline station na madaming branches. Galante daw. Mdami dn daw un babae. Namatay daw pala ang una nyang asawa. Naisip ko agad, depressed. Ikaw ba naman mamatayan ng asawa na mahal na mahal mo. Kaya sya galante, dahil sabi nya daw aanhin daw nya ang pera hindi naman daw madadala sa hukay. 
Hanggang ngayon speechless pa rin ako. Di ko alam ang mafefeel. Iniisip ko na lang na regalo nya saamin ng boyfriend ko ang binigay nya dahil nga sinabi nya mag enjoy kami sa celebration ng New Year. At the same time,di ako sanay makahawak ng perang di ko pinaghirapan. Instant money eh. Di naman galing sa parents ko. Iba ang feeling. 
Now I am praying for that old man, na sana mahanap nya na ang makakapagpasaya sakanya. Lord ikaw na ang bahala sa taong yun.

There’s more to life.

​”You go to places and you see the world, you make memories that you can bring until you grow old.” – #ldrandlifeblog
I have to repost this photo. I always long to see mornings like this. This makes me feel like I want to live more. This feels life. 

Kung hindi dahil sa boyfriend ko, hindi na ako mangangarap uli.

I realized that andami pang magaganda sa buhay than what we have right now. Ako nga eh, never in my life na naisip ko na makakakita ako ng ganito kagandang view. Never in my life na inakala kong posible palang mangyare lahat ng magagandang ito sa buhay ko.

Kagaya sa love life, friends. 

Nasayo lang yun if you want to see it also. If you are willing to grow or just stay there not moving on. 

Instead of doing bad things to feed your ego, why not do good things to improve yourself? I’ve seen people that are injured, badly hurt, emotionally broken. I’ve been there too. Somewhere in my life  I belong to that group of people. 

I saw them and saw what they are doing, i saw my self and I start comparing and I told my self,

“No, I do not want to be like that. I am hurt but I do not like to be bad nor kawawa.” 

Pag nasasaktan ako, I want to improve, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Kaya instead na manakit din ako ng iba? Hindi na lang. Hindi naman sila masasaktan eh. Bakit ko naman ilalagay ang sarili ko sa tabi ng bangin, tas pag nagtatalon ako don eh ako din naman ang may 100% chance na mahulog at mashigok. Hehe. 
I am not judging them people. They have their own life style, they have their own defense mechanism kung paano sila makakawala sa “sakit.” And I have my own way too. 

Hindi ko sinasabi na wag nilang indahin ang sakit na nararamdaman nila. It hurts a lot seeing the one you love walking away from you. Been there. I will go crazy if that happens to me. But one thing is for sure of that happens, I will cry today but I will be successful tomorrow. 
P.S.

When I write, I am talking to myself.

FALL 🍁

​”FALL”
I can still remember how it all started;

I was then broken and my pieces are scattered;

I was then free but feels like I am bottled;

And in just one moment my heart just rattled.
Your adventures makes me want to know you more;

Since our minds were both open like an open door;

Our talks get deeper as we walk the shore;

Then We felt like addicted to each other’s humor.
One day you said you love me seriously;

I cannot believe that I felt the same in all honesty;

But I just have to be very careful firstly;

Because I do not want to hurt you badly.
So I fixed my self and relaxed a bit;

Realized everything before I commit;

Been through a lot until I met my limit;

Cannot wait for more, I want to see you in the summit.
I prayed for you and you prayed for me;

Now we have each other unexpectedly;

Remember it’s Fall when we crossed that valley;

And we go together with this God’s given glory.

Autumn + s7 edge Pro Camera settings + VSCO 

Wala na kasing bago (English&Tagalog)

Ako yata yung taong laging gutom sa experience. Ako lang ba ang ganito? Yung hindi kuntento sa mga kaalaman at experience sa buhay at laging gustong may matutunan. Actually, sa mga materyal na bagay, dedma na lang eh. Sa mga experience at adventure lang talaga, parang gusto kong palagi na may bago. Because I know that experience and knowledge cannot be stolen, and it is meant to be learned and earned. 

Anyway, sa totoo lang napa blog ako dahil there are times that I realized I want so much in life and there is more that I can do. I get so bored of what I am doing today and cannot stop over thinking if I will push my wants and set a side my needs. Maybe this is psychologically part of adulthood. When you are in the middle age and you get so worried about stuffs. Haaay, I cannot wait to get over this. After all that i have been through, I cannot just stop and quit. I can do better. 

Barko yan, cruise ship. Dati wala yan sa utak ko at wala akong idea sa pagwowork sa barko. Pero mula nung maging boyfriend ko na si Kerk, at nung magka idea ako sa work doon na pwede din pala ang photographer don, naging curious ako. Parang gusto kong ma-try. Dahil ayoko na rin magwork sa bahay dito sa Madrid. Gusto ko ngang makasubok ng bago. Pag talagang di mo pa nakikita kung ano talaga ang gusto mo di ka talaga mapapakali sa buhay mo. You will fail 10x, and stand up 11x. 

That is what we have in life overseas. 

Nababagot ako. Lagi na lang kasing work, wala ka man lang oras sa sarili. Yun, sa mga bakasyon sa Pinas, yun ang pag-asa at pinaka pahinga. If only we could be a happy go lucky person. Kaso being a responsible individual is very hard and risky. Claro, iririsk mo ang mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sayo just because you have to be a responsible person para someday wala kang pagsisisihan. Ako pa naman yung taong takot magkamali. Hindi dahil sa gusto ko maging perfect, imposible yun. Takot lang ako magkamali because when I do, my loved ones will leave me and treat me as if they are very regretful of having me. I do not want to feel that lalo at sa mga mahal sa buhay ko lang ako kumukuha ng lakas ng loob at kaligayahan araw araw. 

I am always craving for adventure. Lalo na kapag sawang sawa na ako sa sentimiento ng buhay ko at as in ayoko na ikwento sa mga kaibigan ko ang paulit ulit kong storya, damn, gusto ko na lang kumawala at mawala para tumakas. But when I feel I want to be selfish, I cannot just be. Next time ipopost ko ang mga “blues” ko dito. 

At the moment, gusto kong huminga,Magpahinga, magrelax at humugot ng panibagong lakas. Dahil yung naka stock ko, ubos na. 🙈🙊🙉

Benefits of Long Distance Relationship (LDR)

We are all aware that many relationships are also in long distance. Most are left in  the Philippines, and your partner will go working abroad. Saying this as a Filipina who is also in a LDR situation. I have friends too that after how many years being with their loved ones in one country ended up LDR. Which in our part is super hard. But we will not focus on that parts ‘coz I have a list of benefits of this situation. Believe me, being in a LDR is not as complicated as everyone thought. It is just a matter of acceptance and maturity. If you cannot handle everything, better you stop fooling yourselves in the first place. Too, I am not saying that LDR is only for strong people, I always believe we are all strong in our own ways. Self control and positivity is the key. Not just love and trust and loyalty. 

Here are some benefits of LDR in my opinion and own experience:

1. You are going to have more time for your self.

Yes. That is a fact. After how many years being accompanied by your loved ones, you are finally going to see the wider world you only thought is as small as your hand. You will realize you can do more and better, it is like being single but you are in a relationship. BUT, nevee ever take this for granted as you know you have your other half in the other side of the world. You will not realize this at first bec.you are covered with loneliness and self pity. You will always miss the one you love, but trust me, helping your self first will set your relationshio worry free. 

2. You will realize who really matters most.

You’ll meet different kinds of people wherever you will go. You will be a little curious about your surroundings and will get involved with different groups of friends, but later on you will go home alone and realize one thing; they don’t really matter. You and your loved ones are more important. You are just lonely to hang out, you are longing for hugs from the people you loved the most. Just do not get off with this mindset and you are not going to be in a situation where you can think of cheating. Do not cheat, there is no better hand and lips than the love of your life. Always remember that. 

3. You will have more time to think.

If you are always together with your loved ones, you have few times about thinking. You might have multiple exchange of convos but you have few times to really think about what’s really going on. If you are in LDR your free times are always spent on thinking and realizing stuffs and everything is self improvement. Which is also better. 

4. You will always be missed and everything always feels new.

Yep. He or she will always miss you and there is no better feeling knowing that one person is thinking about you from the time he wakes up. You are going to feel special everyday specially when you both do efforts to make each other happy. 

5. You will love each other more.

Distance makes you know how you can manage everything good and bad and how to handle things carefully. You always long for each other then it means the love will always be burning. Just have proper time management of communications and then you are set. Just believe that nothing is permanent except change, your situation will always get better, and so your feelings will change from less to more. 

“Problems are always present. But never exaggerate. Never put yourself down for you do not own all the problems of the world.” -Jhevey Razon

His 1st 12 months of love ❤

I woke up this morning at 6:30, October 24, 2016 Spain time. With his long message. I need to prepare to work but I cannot move. I am teary eyed and very touched reading his long message as a greeting for our 1st Anniversary. He is working in a cruise ship in the culinary department and now in Istanbul, Turkey. 

He is not the first man that i have been in a relationship but I can feel he is going to be my last. He never last a relationship before, in short, in his 24 years of existence, ako lang ang nabati nya ng “Happy Anniversary!” I am flattered. All of my past relationships are very serious but I always end up leaving them. Also because of their faults, but with this one, with Kerk, I feel like he is my first boyfriend. I can cry of joy. The only man who also thinks about my own sake. The only man who helped me grow. The only man who made me feel that I need to see more of myself. The only man who made me feel that I can do better everyday. 

Let us erase that part, I want to share how happy he is. He video called me and then proposed to me. Showing the promise ring. Until now I cannot believe he did that. We are not the perfect couple you could ever see, we have a lot of flaws and that flaws made our binds stronger and to love each other harder. 

This is the message he got me.

Bii happy happy anniversary saatin. Ang saya saya ko sobrang saya ko kasi 12months of love na tayo. Sayo ko lng nasabi to at ikaw lng ang babae na minahal ko ng sobra kaya nga ikaw ang pakakasalan ko bii at nagpapasalamat ako sa lahat lahat ng efforts mo bii para saakin sa pag intindi pag unawa at pagtitiis sa ugali kong di maintindihan pag pasensyahan mo na rin ako bii kasi minsan matampuhin ako at lagi kita naaway pero ang totoo sobrang mahal na mahal kita at auqng mawawala ka saakin kasi hndi ko kaayanin ng wla ka. Ikaw ang inspirasyon ko ikaw ang pangarap ko at ikaw ang buhay ko kaya qng wala ka wala rin ako bii. Mahal na mahal na mahal na mahal kitaa bibii ko. Salamat sa lahat at dumating ka sa buhay ko! I love you bii!😘😘😘😍😍😍😘❤❤❤❤   

I cannot believe he can say that. Napaka playboy nya, kaliwat kanan ang gf noon. Pero look at him now. Wala talagang imposible. Noon ang gusto ko lang eh mahalin sya, ang naging resulta, ako ang mahal na mahal nya. Nakakaiyak. 

Salamat Lord sa ganitong klaseng love na pwede palang mag exists.