Happiness: Hard to earn

We laugh and smile and we’re not happy. I guess that laughing and smiling are just really a response to a certain action. I say so because it is easy to smile even you’re lonely but it will never be the same if it really means to me. 

Have you ever been so sad and you cannot put in details why? Have you been thinking about a lot of things and yet it led you to a neutral emotion (some kind of numbness) and then you find yourself in the corner of your room thinking and thinking again about a lot of stuffs, asking what’s wrong, lacking and what’s really going on? Or even asking for solutions about a problem you don’t even know where from? What do you call that state of mentality? 

I do not usually go out with friends, 3/4 of my life is basically working and “me” time. Every day there are few poeple in my inbox, a little chit chat. There are people available to talk but it is me who doesn’t feel like talking to them. What’s going on with my self.

I must admit I am missing someone. Being in a long distance relationship is hard, my boyfriend is a seaman and I hope you can imagine how hard it is to wait for the time, to adjust to time, to manage the time, skip sleeping because time is precious and you are not going to talk to him or see him everyday. 

Happiness is sacrifice. I can go out with friends but my friends are also busy working, and during my weekend days off, I want to relax in my room from Monday-Friday grind and sleeping 6 hours or less every night. I do not have so much time for myself and sometimes when homesickness strikes, it strikes hard. PLUS this effin hormones and PMS. Oh how I wish I could be with the person I love. You know, with just one hug all tiredness can be erased. And if you ask about my family, I am living with my mom and my father and 2 more sisters are in my own country. My Mom, I think feels the same way I do. But we must fight for this emotions and keep going on. Smile even if it is not that happy, fight on and live on because it is all part of sacrifice. 

Happiness is hard to earn. I sometimes do not know what happiness means. Contentment maybe? I am content with my life but I want to laugh the real laugh, smile the real smile, and go crazy over things and have fun. 

In short, I need a vacation. Miles awat from my work, recollect my broken pieces and get back my mindset. I need a time for me, for my boyfriend and I know with that, I’m going to be really HAPPY.