If I surrendered, 

Happy Sunday! I just attended the Sunday Mass here in Paroquia de Santa Teresa y Santa Isabel, a big church near our place. This is my favorite church not only because it is near but for many reasons too.  There, I feel I am welcome and I feel safe and honest. 🙂 I will update this blog soon to include the photo of the church. 

I was looking back to everything that I encountered and it includes facing my depressions. I was in that point when I already want to end my life, and even planning how to end it, but everytime I was about to do it, God is acting and sending some angels to stop what I am thinking. I know we could enumerate the things that we hate about this life and sometimes because of that we cannot count the blessings that we are receiving and that is a fact we can’t deny.  It happens, it will happen again and again, but the most important thing is you are always willing to learn from it and the next thing you know is waking up in the morning stronger than yesterday and become transparent.  

Life maybe is like playing Mobile Legends:Bang Bang. 🤣 Sometimes you’ll concede defeat, sometimes you will lose, sometimes it’s laggy because of poor internet connection, but you know at some point, you’ll gonna win and you have the chance to become the MVP. ❤️

If I surrendered, maybe I do not know how it feels like to become happy, winner, and the MVP of my own battle! ❤️

God is Reminding you, Your Life is Beautiful

Normal lang naman na makaramdam tayo ng lungkot and loneliness lalo kapag literal kang mag-isa. May natutunan lang akong technique para makaiwas sa pagiisip ng hindi masaya ang buhay ko. Yup. And actually ngayon eh patuloy ko pa ring pina-practice dahil mahirap talaga syang i-apply sa daily life. But it is helping me a lot. 
 Totoo naman napakadaming stress at andami ng nangyari sa buhay natin na hindi magaganda. Kakainis lang kapag maaalala mo at madami kang bagay na pagsisisihan. Like duh, kung maiibalik lang natin ang panahon di ba?

So eto na nga sa natutunan ko, well all these opinions only comes from me, personal experiences at wala kong ibang pinatutungkulang iba kundi sarili ko (in case may makabasa na iba na baka akala eh sila ang pinaghuhugutan ko). You can try and reflect too if you want, but then, I’m just sharing. 😘
1. Napapaisip lang ako ng malulungkot na bagay kapag Hindi ako Busy. 
-totoo. Kahit na sabihing nasa trabaho naman ako, huhu. Kasi kapag nasanay ka na na everyday yun na lang ang routine mo parang naghahanap ka ng something new. Kaya ang ginagawa ko minsan, sa vacant hours ko nagpupunta ako ng mall, window shopping or naghahanap ako ng maliit na kapehan at nagkakape ako. Maiba man lang ang environment. Tapos naghahanap ako ng pagkaka-abalahan talaga whether it is selling something or what. Basta maging busy lang ako. Wag lang akong mapapaisip talaga ng masasamang bagay that doesn’t really help at all. Nakakatanda lang, nakakasakit lang ng ulo eh ang init init ng panahon.  
2. Active masyado ang utak ko at hindi pupwede ng walang iniisip. 
–totoo rin. Haha! Sa sobrang active ng utak eh lahat na lang gustong isipin. Sa gabi na lalo, kaya ako eh nagpapaka busy sa online games kapag hindi makatulog. Kahit tinatamad ako sige lang wag lang ako ma-stress at makaalala ng mga nakaraang ayaw ko naman na rin talagang alalahanin. In short, I am helping my self to move on. Di ko inaasa masyado sa iba, hihingi na lang ako ng tulong kapag hindi ko na talaga kaya.  

3. Last but not the least, kulang sa pag-simba. 
–Sad truth. Sa sobrang pagkabusy ko sa ibang bagay, at pagiisip, minsan iniiwasan ko talaga yung pagpunta sa simbahan. Lalo pag matinding stress ang dumadating as in when it rains it pours ganon, though I promise na nagdadasal naman ako kahit saan ako abutin ng doubts. Kahit habang nagkukudkod ng inidoro. 🤣 Pero hindi lang talaga ako pumapasok sa simbahan kahit may time ako. ☹️ Siguro dahil alam kong iiyak lang ako ng iiyak don at guilty ako sa mga pagkukulang ko sa Kanya. Nakakatuwa lang rin ang boyfriend ko na alam nya na naniniwala ako sa milagro, sa Dios, at sa kung ano ang kayang gawin ng relihiyon saamin, na sa tuwing alam nya na iba na ang aura ko, sya pa mismo ang magpapaalala sakin na sumimba ako. And I find it sweet and ideal. Just perfect for me dahil lagi ko rin pinagdarasal na sana may magpaalala saakin ng mga bagay na nakakalimutan ko. Isang blessing lang. Hindi ko pa nasasabi sa boyfriend ko pero sobra akong thankful sakanya. Aminado naman ako saaking mga pagkakamali at pagkakasala kaya nga naiishare ko sa mga kaibigan ko ang insecurities ko sa buhay. Pero kahit ganun, dun pa rin ako syempre sa TAMA. So sisimba ako, and after kong sabihin kay God lahat, kahit ilang ulit ko pang sabihin eh I will feel good and tomorrow eh ang galing lang, parang hinipan ng hangin ang panahon. ❤️ 
I will enclose this with a photo i took using my Sony Alpha 5100. 🤣 Hindi po nila ako binayaran para mag endorse. Haha! 
God is telling you, you’re doing OK and you just have to trust Him. Everything including the bad ones is a part of a plan. Everything is for your own good kaya chillax ka lang. ❤️✌🏻👌🏻

I’ll wait anyway. 

I must admit that our love story is not only full of laughters and happiness, well, just like in cooking, we also need to put salt, pepper and some ingredients that does not tastes sweet just to get the perfect savour of every recipe. 
My fiancé is a cook and I am always proud of him whatever happens. I know he is the best person for me. Our match or combination really goes well. I am only focusing on that side of our life. We deserve to be happy, let go of the bad things and the bad sides, our God has a perfect plan for us and our life is too short to be hard on ourselves. 
This is me. I’ve been telling everybody about my love story and I cannot believe that I am going to get married this June 2017. Oh, I never dreamed of being a June Bride but I was surprised I’m gonna be! OUR Lord is really a GOOD LOVING LORD. Amen to that. 

I know that Long Distance Relationship doesn’t work all the time but I proved that with the perfect timing that God provides, it will work anyway. The title of this Blog is “I’ll wait anyway.” because this is what I am doing. You know guys, I’ve been very very impatient with everything way back when I haven’t found the love of my life. The one I feel who is perfect for me. I am just so amazed how love changes everything; vision, mission, perspective, life goals, converting bad to good, being sad to feeling alive, all of the negative vibes turned into shining shimmering splendid ultimate good vibes. Sounds like I am exaggerating but that is how I feel about love. 
The mose important thing that I learned during our relationship is that I practiced to adjust. Timezone, situations, and even complicated stuffs. I know that since when I was born it is already in me-these character of being flexible; but you cannot just summon it, one day you’ll find someone who will extract the best in you without you noticing it. You’ll just see one day that you are already doing your best, the best that you did not do to anybody else in the past. Amazing huh. This is not my very first long distance relationship, I blogged about it long time ago and my first one really did not work out, imagine that relationship is almost 4years already and we were only 1 year in long distance but I cannot take it and I am more than happy that I found the courage to get out of it. 
Thanks God for giving me the signs. 

I’ll wait anyway. I have trusted God and he proved his Love for us in manu different ways. I felt down multiple times and I’ve been hurt in different ways but He is always there to save me and show me his miracles. I’ll wait for the good things everytime I am involved in a bad situation. I’ll wait for the rainbow after the storms, and most especially I’ll wait for the time that we are no longer to experience Long Distance Relationsip. 

P.S
I would like to blog using the language that I am more comfortable with. But then for the sake of other readers, I will try to make a pure English blog. I’m afraid of grammatical errors but I hope it doesn’t matter anyway as long as I have the thought. 🤣 I graduated college 4 years ago and I know that I suck. Sad life. But little by little, I’ll improve. ❤️ 

Adjusted

I am a Filipina and I moved to Spain last September 21, 2014. I was then a 21 year old girl who knows nothing but taking risks and only focused on my goals- To have a Photography Studio. Earning in Philippines (for me) is not that easy, I tried working as a Car Sales Agent and I can say selling cars were never that easy as I am not working inside the showroom. There is a huge difference, I need to go to different places and giving brochures and leaflets and introduce the the product but anyway, that was quite challenging though; I can meet different extraordinary people who can afford buying cars. 

Moving on, my first months in Spain was tragic. I cannot believe myself in pure loneliness and homesick. I am just fighting that emotion and still pushing on achieving my goals and the main reason why I am here. While doing that, I forgot about myself. I forgot looking at the mirror and see a beautiful reflection. I was sooo blooming wayback in Philippines and I always look good but when I got here, I can’t believe how haggard I was. 😂 My mindset is: “I am not here to enjoy, I am here to work.” But having that mindset never gave me a chance to save a lot of money. 😂 Ironic. Hate the fact that the cost of living is expensive. And whenever I have money, I dunno why I end up helping people or relatives in Philippines who have less. I am now helping a neice in her studies paying her tuition fees and school needs and etc. 

After 2 years I started buying clothes shoes and personal stuffs. I feel good about myself whenever I am helping someone but then I forgot my own self. I cannot balance everything. One person helped me realize that it is not bad if I think about myself too with the fact that I am the one who is working. That I need to give myself a reward, and treat myself better. I get over my homesickness because of him. He served as my inspiration and you know what? I am going to marry him soon this year 2017. 

I owe him a lot. Before, All I know is taking risk and whenever I mess up in the middle I lose myself out of nowhere and later on don’t exactly know what to do. He is my Idol and I am going to be his No.1 Fan for life. 

I am still composing myself and everyday I love who I am because of Him. How can you leave a person who helped you in your most difficult situation. He maybe don’t do anything like staying beside me literally, we are in a Long Distance Relationship but he never leaves my side emotionally. That’s when I realized that Love does not only mean hugging and kissing, it also means feeding each other emotional needs and helping each other become the best version of own self. 

I am happy, I am now more than blessed than before that I am living in Madrid. I appreciate what I have though it is still hard to earn money, BUT I never had zero resources. God always provides. Amen. I just hope I always have a lot of love to give, an endless one. I thank God for everything. I adjusted. I have an inspiration. Glory to Him! 

Wala na kasing bago (English&Tagalog)

Ako yata yung taong laging gutom sa experience. Ako lang ba ang ganito? Yung hindi kuntento sa mga kaalaman at experience sa buhay at laging gustong may matutunan. Actually, sa mga materyal na bagay, dedma na lang eh. Sa mga experience at adventure lang talaga, parang gusto kong palagi na may bago. Because I know that experience and knowledge cannot be stolen, and it is meant to be learned and earned. 

Anyway, sa totoo lang napa blog ako dahil there are times that I realized I want so much in life and there is more that I can do. I get so bored of what I am doing today and cannot stop over thinking if I will push my wants and set a side my needs. Maybe this is psychologically part of adulthood. When you are in the middle age and you get so worried about stuffs. Haaay, I cannot wait to get over this. After all that i have been through, I cannot just stop and quit. I can do better. 

Barko yan, cruise ship. Dati wala yan sa utak ko at wala akong idea sa pagwowork sa barko. Pero mula nung maging boyfriend ko na si Kerk, at nung magka idea ako sa work doon na pwede din pala ang photographer don, naging curious ako. Parang gusto kong ma-try. Dahil ayoko na rin magwork sa bahay dito sa Madrid. Gusto ko ngang makasubok ng bago. Pag talagang di mo pa nakikita kung ano talaga ang gusto mo di ka talaga mapapakali sa buhay mo. You will fail 10x, and stand up 11x. 

That is what we have in life overseas. 

Nababagot ako. Lagi na lang kasing work, wala ka man lang oras sa sarili. Yun, sa mga bakasyon sa Pinas, yun ang pag-asa at pinaka pahinga. If only we could be a happy go lucky person. Kaso being a responsible individual is very hard and risky. Claro, iririsk mo ang mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sayo just because you have to be a responsible person para someday wala kang pagsisisihan. Ako pa naman yung taong takot magkamali. Hindi dahil sa gusto ko maging perfect, imposible yun. Takot lang ako magkamali because when I do, my loved ones will leave me and treat me as if they are very regretful of having me. I do not want to feel that lalo at sa mga mahal sa buhay ko lang ako kumukuha ng lakas ng loob at kaligayahan araw araw. 

I am always craving for adventure. Lalo na kapag sawang sawa na ako sa sentimiento ng buhay ko at as in ayoko na ikwento sa mga kaibigan ko ang paulit ulit kong storya, damn, gusto ko na lang kumawala at mawala para tumakas. But when I feel I want to be selfish, I cannot just be. Next time ipopost ko ang mga “blues” ko dito. 

At the moment, gusto kong huminga,Magpahinga, magrelax at humugot ng panibagong lakas. Dahil yung naka stock ko, ubos na. 🙈🙊🙉