Adjusted

I am a Filipina and I moved to Spain last September 21, 2014. I was then a 21 year old girl who knows nothing but taking risks and only focused on my goals- To have a Photography Studio. Earning in Philippines (for me) is not that easy, I tried working as a Car Sales Agent and I can say selling cars were never that easy as I am not working inside the showroom. There is a huge difference, I need to go to different places and giving brochures and leaflets and introduce the the product but anyway, that was quite challenging though; I can meet different extraordinary people who can afford buying cars. 

Moving on, my first months in Spain was tragic. I cannot believe myself in pure loneliness and homesick. I am just fighting that emotion and still pushing on achieving my goals and the main reason why I am here. While doing that, I forgot about myself. I forgot looking at the mirror and see a beautiful reflection. I was sooo blooming wayback in Philippines and I always look good but when I got here, I can’t believe how haggard I was. 😂 My mindset is: “I am not here to enjoy, I am here to work.” But having that mindset never gave me a chance to save a lot of money. 😂 Ironic. Hate the fact that the cost of living is expensive. And whenever I have money, I dunno why I end up helping people or relatives in Philippines who have less. I am now helping a neice in her studies paying her tuition fees and school needs and etc. 

After 2 years I started buying clothes shoes and personal stuffs. I feel good about myself whenever I am helping someone but then I forgot my own self. I cannot balance everything. One person helped me realize that it is not bad if I think about myself too with the fact that I am the one who is working. That I need to give myself a reward, and treat myself better. I get over my homesickness because of him. He served as my inspiration and you know what? I am going to marry him soon this year 2017. 

I owe him a lot. Before, All I know is taking risk and whenever I mess up in the middle I lose myself out of nowhere and later on don’t exactly know what to do. He is my Idol and I am going to be his No.1 Fan for life. 

I am still composing myself and everyday I love who I am because of Him. How can you leave a person who helped you in your most difficult situation. He maybe don’t do anything like staying beside me literally, we are in a Long Distance Relationship but he never leaves my side emotionally. That’s when I realized that Love does not only mean hugging and kissing, it also means feeding each other emotional needs and helping each other become the best version of own self. 

I am happy, I am now more than blessed than before that I am living in Madrid. I appreciate what I have though it is still hard to earn money, BUT I never had zero resources. God always provides. Amen. I just hope I always have a lot of love to give, an endless one. I thank God for everything. I adjusted. I have an inspiration. Glory to Him! 

FALL 🍁

​”FALL”
I can still remember how it all started;

I was then broken and my pieces are scattered;

I was then free but feels like I am bottled;

And in just one moment my heart just rattled.
Your adventures makes me want to know you more;

Since our minds were both open like an open door;

Our talks get deeper as we walk the shore;

Then We felt like addicted to each other’s humor.
One day you said you love me seriously;

I cannot believe that I felt the same in all honesty;

But I just have to be very careful firstly;

Because I do not want to hurt you badly.
So I fixed my self and relaxed a bit;

Realized everything before I commit;

Been through a lot until I met my limit;

Cannot wait for more, I want to see you in the summit.
I prayed for you and you prayed for me;

Now we have each other unexpectedly;

Remember it’s Fall when we crossed that valley;

And we go together with this God’s given glory.

Autumn + s7 edge Pro Camera settings + VSCO 

Wala na kasing bago (English&Tagalog)

Ako yata yung taong laging gutom sa experience. Ako lang ba ang ganito? Yung hindi kuntento sa mga kaalaman at experience sa buhay at laging gustong may matutunan. Actually, sa mga materyal na bagay, dedma na lang eh. Sa mga experience at adventure lang talaga, parang gusto kong palagi na may bago. Because I know that experience and knowledge cannot be stolen, and it is meant to be learned and earned. 

Anyway, sa totoo lang napa blog ako dahil there are times that I realized I want so much in life and there is more that I can do. I get so bored of what I am doing today and cannot stop over thinking if I will push my wants and set a side my needs. Maybe this is psychologically part of adulthood. When you are in the middle age and you get so worried about stuffs. Haaay, I cannot wait to get over this. After all that i have been through, I cannot just stop and quit. I can do better. 

Barko yan, cruise ship. Dati wala yan sa utak ko at wala akong idea sa pagwowork sa barko. Pero mula nung maging boyfriend ko na si Kerk, at nung magka idea ako sa work doon na pwede din pala ang photographer don, naging curious ako. Parang gusto kong ma-try. Dahil ayoko na rin magwork sa bahay dito sa Madrid. Gusto ko ngang makasubok ng bago. Pag talagang di mo pa nakikita kung ano talaga ang gusto mo di ka talaga mapapakali sa buhay mo. You will fail 10x, and stand up 11x. 

That is what we have in life overseas. 

Nababagot ako. Lagi na lang kasing work, wala ka man lang oras sa sarili. Yun, sa mga bakasyon sa Pinas, yun ang pag-asa at pinaka pahinga. If only we could be a happy go lucky person. Kaso being a responsible individual is very hard and risky. Claro, iririsk mo ang mga bagay na makakapagpasaya sayo just because you have to be a responsible person para someday wala kang pagsisisihan. Ako pa naman yung taong takot magkamali. Hindi dahil sa gusto ko maging perfect, imposible yun. Takot lang ako magkamali because when I do, my loved ones will leave me and treat me as if they are very regretful of having me. I do not want to feel that lalo at sa mga mahal sa buhay ko lang ako kumukuha ng lakas ng loob at kaligayahan araw araw. 

I am always craving for adventure. Lalo na kapag sawang sawa na ako sa sentimiento ng buhay ko at as in ayoko na ikwento sa mga kaibigan ko ang paulit ulit kong storya, damn, gusto ko na lang kumawala at mawala para tumakas. But when I feel I want to be selfish, I cannot just be. Next time ipopost ko ang mga “blues” ko dito. 

At the moment, gusto kong huminga,Magpahinga, magrelax at humugot ng panibagong lakas. Dahil yung naka stock ko, ubos na. 🙈🙊🙉