If I surrendered, 

Happy Sunday! I just attended the Sunday Mass here in Paroquia de Santa Teresa y Santa Isabel, a big church near our place. This is my favorite church not only because it is near but for many reasons too.  There, I feel I am welcome and I feel safe and honest. 🙂 I will update this blog soon to include the photo of the church. 

I was looking back to everything that I encountered and it includes facing my depressions. I was in that point when I already want to end my life, and even planning how to end it, but everytime I was about to do it, God is acting and sending some angels to stop what I am thinking. I know we could enumerate the things that we hate about this life and sometimes because of that we cannot count the blessings that we are receiving and that is a fact we can’t deny.  It happens, it will happen again and again, but the most important thing is you are always willing to learn from it and the next thing you know is waking up in the morning stronger than yesterday and become transparent.  

Life maybe is like playing Mobile Legends:Bang Bang. 🤣 Sometimes you’ll concede defeat, sometimes you will lose, sometimes it’s laggy because of poor internet connection, but you know at some point, you’ll gonna win and you have the chance to become the MVP. ❤️

If I surrendered, maybe I do not know how it feels like to become happy, winner, and the MVP of my own battle! ❤️

When you’re tired, rest. 

Here at 100 Montaditos, Narvaez. It is my favorite place the food is cheaper than any other bars & restaurant you could ever encounter in Spain. There are burgers that costs €1,20 only. And beers in large beer mugs costs €1,50 and then you’re okay. 😁

I have been reading different blogs too about self improvement, how to be rich, how to save money, how to reach your goals. And it helps me a lot whenever I am in the state of overthinking. I know it sucks to overthink. But  when you are usually alone or when you feel down you can’t help it. Help your self or ask for someone’s help if you cannot fight it alone.  There’s a lot of solutions. 

I am tired about everything in my life.  I just cannot enumerate this or maybe I don’t have enough courage to share it for it is too personal but I am still lucky to have this life and God is giving me many reasons why I need to fight the challenge. 

When you feel like you’re tired, you can rest. Don’t quit, just rest. You only need to pause and gain back the energy so tomorrow you can fighy again once more. Be thankful that there’s a lot of people who can understand you despite on how you react on simple things. Your boss who always understands you even when you feel down and can’t go to work on time, you’re lucky. I’m lucky. Your boyfriend who catches every tears that’s falling from your eyes. I cannot imagine how one people like my boyfriend is happy whenever he sees me smiling or laughing and yet so bothered whenever he hear my voice soft and lonely. I can never thank him enough for being there for me. I’ve been so sad for a long time and I deserve to be happy too. That is what I always feel. But who else in this world is not lonely? Everybody does have a reason to be but some chooses not to. 

I saw myself super down and not loving myself enough. I do not want to be that girl anymore. I promise. When I feel tired, I rest, I exhale and get my self a mug of beer and go home like  I am not tired of everything.